Hen and Chicks

* frustrating *

I'm trying to lose some weight. 

I need to lose a lot, but I just have a small goal for myself right now so that it doesn't seem completely out of reach.  As always, the first day was hard, but the last few have been fairly easy.  I'm drinking well, not snacking at all, and have only had smaller,  regular meals.  Yet the scale stays the same,

Day.

After.

Day.

There's one part of my brain that is rebelling (doesn't it always!) and saying "How could you NOT be losing weight?  You were eating this, and that, and that and, oh yeah, that, too, and you didn't gain any weight.  The numbers on the scale should be moving a lot faster now that you're not!"   The logical side of my brain says, "You're doing really well in controlling your eating and changing your focus  away from food.  Don't worry about the numbers, you're just at a plateau and if you keep doing what you're doing, then soon enough the scale will show that.  Keep up the good work!"  I know that's true.  It's just .  .  . 

Frustrating.

* my angel is 22 *

Today my angel boy is 22 years old.  The picture above (taken only last week, I think) shows him at age 4.  So bubbly and bright and a world class snuggler.  He still is bubbly and joyful and bright, only now he's a galaxy class snuggler!  He's been taller than me for the last 8 years, but his heart is unchanged - still the excited little boy, anticipating what new thing he can find - a new noise to investigate - a new person to hug!

Happy Birthday, my sweet angel!  You are such a blessing to me.  Your sweetness and your trust fills my heart when I am struggling with life.  I hope that I have shown you the love and affection that comes from my very soul so that you have no doubt at all of just how precious you are in my sight and in the LORDs, who doeth all things well.  I search for gifts each year, something you would enjoy, that would bring you pleasure, and all the while I'm searching I'm continually aware that you are MY gift - with each smile, with each hug, the light in your eyes when you see me coming, and your laughter that is so contagious you remind me how good God is and how abundant is his grace.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.  James 1:17

For more angel love and pictures, go Here, and Here, and Here.

We had a great afternoon/evening!   After an early dinner of chinese takeout, my angel and I snuggled on the couch for a little nap.  Then we had ice cream sundaes for dessert!  Yummy!  And best of all is that he got all wet with the hose before getting into his pajamas and in bed.  ;-)

* freedom is hard work *

This weekend I celebrated our country's freedom by cleaning.  Not just any cleaning, but determinedly ridding my home of four of its largest clutter Hot Spots/eyesores.  I sit here tonight tired and sore, but totally happy and thankfully reminded once again how good it is to trust and follow the LORD.

You see, I didn't start out to do something so big.  I started out kind of small.  Saturday morning I really felt like I needed to clean out an overstuffed bookcase in my bedroom - not too big of a deal, it would give me something to do for the day and it would be a blessing to my husband.  What could be better?  Well, the LORD totally knew what would be even better -- but he didn't let me in on it because, you know, sometimes if I know how much is ahead of me I probably wouldn't even start, right?  Oh, sorry, I'm sure you aren't that way. at. all.

La-De-Da, humming along and cleaning the bookcase/paper-magnet, sorting everything into happy piles to be thrown away or put away in its proper place, plus a box for storage and a box for sale/giveaways.   It's all emptied and the thought hits me (or the Holy Spirit whispers to me) "Why don't I just get rid of this altogether, get it out of the bedroom, and then it won't be a clutter trap and our room will be cleaner and roomier!"  Hey! what a great idea.   Hmmmm, wait a minute.  I have this box of stuff that was going to go back on the shelves - and these piles here and there.  What about them?   "Well, all of that would be solved if you just went and got the nice bookcases that you've been wanting for a while and put them in the living room."

Now, I have to say right here that shamefully I am a terrible housekeeper.  And I mean Terrible.   I see that vision of order and beauty in my head but am never able to make it a reality for longer than three days.  Just ask my husband, or my children, or my mother.  But I've had a vision, an ideal, for the way I would like our home to be, and it has been getting clearer as the months pass.   Things are starting to "gel", if you will.  But that's not what I started out to say.  I wanted to say how shameful it is that if the bookcase is out in the living room instead of our bedroom, it is less likely to attract every single spare piece of paper or stray book or unopened 'gotta save this for later' mail that comes into our home.  Why is that?  Because I care more about what strangers/visitors think and see than I care about creating a space of peace, order and beauty for my husband and I.   And my heart screams out THAT'S WRONG!!  My priority should be to make sure that my bedroom/bathroom is a place of rest and retreat instead of a battlezone of open boxes and disheveled papers and stacked binders and rummaged discs and dirty socks and wet towels and splattered mirrors and chaos.  I'm ever-so-slowly learning these lessons, and hopefully passing them on to my daughter so that she will not struggle with them as I do. 

  Okay, so, it looks like everything will be solved by getting a set of bookcases for the living room.   Except I have to let you in on another secret.   The only place for the bookcases to go is near our entry where my grandmother's beautiful Singer Hemstitching machine currently resides but no one can ever see the machine because it is so cluttered and piled with STUFF!   Well, after working all day on that bookcase (in the bedroom) I took a break and took the rest of the night off.  Luckily, my husband is a fairly patient man - as long as he knows the process is still happening - and so I was able to leave my piles where they were for the time being. 

Sunday morning dawns, it's a gorgeous day even if we had to turn on the air conditioning before noon, and the piles are still there staring at me.  In for a penny, in for a pound!  I've started and I'm going to finish!  We all load up in the car and begin our search for The Perfect Bookcases.  At our first stop we have no luck finding a bookcase but there's a great couch for a great price.  Put that on my mental list for later.  It also seems that (sleeping late + being preoccupied with piles of stuff) x (totally skipping breakfast + almost 1 p.m.) = a family that is near to starving, i.e. Lunch Break!   After lunch we try another store, and by that time husband is worn out and ready to go home.  So I drop him off with the two younger ones and DS2 and I continue the search.  Our next stop has a very promising possibility but I don't want to buy the first thing that catches my eye.  Knowing that I have a few more options, storewise, we head back to the car and down the street.   Oh, an abundance of options!!  We measure, we call home, they measure, we discuss, we call again for another measurement, a little more discussion and the deal is made.  Hooray!  Four separate bookcases perfectly fitted together to fill and make the best use of the available space (all securely anchored to the wall) and with a flash of the checkbook and a scroll of the pen we are out the door and on our way home.  (Don't tell, but we decided to reward ourselves with a trip to Wendy's.  DS2 got a Frosty and I got a cold Coke.  Obviously,we took the long way home.)

Now the fun begins.  I set the boys to work putting the first of the bookcases together while I take a deep breath and face the sewing machine/dust bunny refuge.   I'll spare you all the gorey details and fast forward to after dinner when all of the bookcases are together and in place and anchored.  The children are in the process of getting showers and even though I said I wasn't going to put any books on it until morning, sitting there and staring at all those empty shelves was more than I could stand.   So, I start by moving the encyclopedias from the Hoosier.  Then a set of Handyman books from the boys room.  Next are the books from my keep pile; from another bookshelf in my room; from the children's bookshelf in the hallway; cookbooks from the top of the refrigerator; more books from the children's room; our school reading books; reading story books; hymnals; curriculum I want to keep but am not currently using.  It was then nearing 11:00 p.m. and the bookcases were nearing full - which each of the children had to come and see for themselves.  They could not believe that I had already almost filled up "all those shelves!"  They also all told me how beautiful the bookcases are, how clean it is and how nice with all the books together.

Honestly, the house is still a major mess.  But you know what?  With just a little bit of cleaning and straightening up tomorrow I will have rid my home of a cluttered bedroom bookcase, a hallway bookcase/catchall, an entryway eyesore, and cleaned off the top of my refrigerator (another Hot Spot!)

As I said at the beginning, I'm tired and sore and a bit dusty, but so SO thankful that I followed the Holy Spirit's leading.  I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow and getting busy on the rest of the house!   

* making time *

One of the lessons I've learned from my Grandma's death is a lesson about time. 

See, Grandma, being Grandma and therefore immune to time like other people - or so I thought in my undeveloped sensibility - was just always supposed to be here.  For my entire life she was always there, quietly doing what she does in the background of my life, and taken for granted that that would continue.

With her passing, I've had to face reality and now think of all the times I missed stopping by to visit her and spend time with her when we were in town.  I've got too much to do, I would say.  I'll see her in a few weeks at the family gathering, I reasoned.  I'll stop in next time, I said.  Unfortunately, I've learned that at some point there is no "next time."

There are things (meaning people and relationships) in this life that are just too important to wait for an undefined 'later' or 'next time.'  I realized that if those things are really important to me, I will make time for them in our daily, weekly life/routine because the time will never just happen on it's own.  I realized how easily my minutes and hours throughout the day are eaten up with things that are important for that minute  but have no consequence in the grand scheme of things.  I understood that I was simply going through each day allowing myself to be swept along by the current, not knowing where it was taking me.

A nice analogy occured to me when I was talking about meal planning with my neighbor.  I had recently shared with her my meal planning efforts and the blessing it had been both to myself and our family, so she decided to give it a try.  Now, a few weeks later, I asked how her planning was going?   Great!  She was trying new recipes, dinner was on time with little stress, her husband was very pleased, and she even had time now to make extra treats; yummy desserts and snacks that she felt she never had time for before.

"Light Bulb Moment!"

Yes!  I can look through cookbooks and magazines and see all kinds of recipes and treats that sound interesting or totally delicious but they won't make themselves.  If I don't plan for them, then we will end up having the same old thing every night.  In the exact same way, I can be looking through the "pictures" of my life, seeing recipes for special places, people and relationships, but they won't just make themselves happen.    I now understand that if these people and relationships are important, then I will make the time for them and plan for them just like I plan our menu every week.

Another thought that occured to me was how thankful I am that my children still have all four of their grandparents.  They are aging and all in their 70's and 80's, but they are here, now, and that is what is important.   I have determined that the children will not have those missed opportunities and instead will be able to enjoy their grandparents and have special memories of them as I do of mine.

Quickly on the heels of that thought (above), my mind went to two beloved older ladies in our church who I just adore and feel a special relationship with.  I think about them frequently, and yet like Grandma, I never really do anything about it.  Well, not anymore!  We went and visited both of them yesterday morning and it was wonderful! 

Miss B is a widow and very much like my mother-in-law.  Softly spoken, she was born and raised in Oklahoma, the oldest of a large family, came to California as a young girl with her family, and married quite young;  Miss B was 14 when she married, my m-i-l was 15.  She also used to be an avid crocheter in her younger days and said she has crocheted just about anything you can think of.  As we were leaving her home, I noticed a pretty bouquet and then realized that the 'flowers' were crocheted!  She asked me if I'd like the pattern so I could make some myself?  Of course! I said.  So she picked a flower out of the bunch and handed it to me! LOL!

Our next visit was with Miss V.  Miss V is married but her husband was gone for the morning on a discipling visit.   One of the allures of Miss V's house, especially for DD, is that she has a dog.  A little dog.  A little dog with a big name - Sir Winston.  Our visit with Miss V was brief but just as wonderful as could be.  As we were leaving she thanked us for coming over and please don't wait so long to come again.  I shooed the children out to the car and shared with her my above thoughts - that time is precious and after my Grandma died I realized that there are important people who we need to make time to see and that she was one of those people for me.  She felt the same way and knew that she needed to make more of an effort to see her children and grandchildren.  She said she was sorry that I had lost my Grandma.  With tears welling in my eyes I told her that it was my last Grandma.  Do you know what she said?  This sweet soul said that she would be my Grandma now.

Making time for special people is ALWAYS worth it.

But let the righteous be glad; let them rejoice before God: yea, let them exceedingly rejoice.

Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: extol him that rideth upon the heavens by his name JAH (Jehovah), and rejoice before him.

A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.

God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains:

                                                                                           Psalm 68:3-6

* sharing some sunlight *

My chair, as we sit and do school each day, happens to be at the end of the table nearest our sliding back door.    Now, early in the morning as the sun shines through the window, the dogs are under my feet, anywhere that they can be to get the best spot of sun.   Okay, so I've gotten used to stepping over them,  and looking over my shoulders before I scoot my chair, just in case!  But while doing our lessons last week I happened to glance down for just a second and  -- this is what I saw

Too, too cute. 

(BTW: Our 'puppies', both approaching 4 years old, are a Jack Russell/Dachsund mix on the left and a Corgi mix on the right.  We got them both at the local animal shelter 3 and 2 years ago, respectively.)

* what's good about doing the dishes *

* birthday surprise *

I'll give you three guesses where my Dearest Husband took the children and I for the weekend. 

Here's a hint:

* monday funnies *

A break down of our Monday is as follows:

I let the children sleep late because, of course, I had to check out some of the offerings happening at Bloggy Giveaway!  Luckily I had made our breakfast the night before - Baked Amish Oatmeal from Elise, which was delicious, by the way and even better this morning heated up with a little milk and a smidge of butter!

A friend called and needed some help for the day so within a half an hour her daughter Miss A (the same age as my Dear Daughter) was here and our day had begun. 

Do some school, have lunch, and then off to piano lessons - we were there for 2 hours since Miss A has her lessons right before DS2, DS3 and DD.  Fortunately, Miss A and DD had planned ahead and packed a little tote of stamping supplies!  Here are a few of their creations:

 

Then it was home to prepare dinner, eat, clean up, and start working on the little quilt for DH.

As we were driving Miss A home, she and DD were being very silly in the back seat.  They were using Pee Wee Herman-type voices (even though they have no idea who Pee Wee Herman is :-) which added to the silliness!  We were laughing at their funnies - and for Ann's Monday Fun Day I will share one of their jokes:

Miss A: (in her throaty Pee Wee voice) I don't like coffee.

DD: (in her throaty Pee Wee voice) Coffee is bad, but there is one good thing about coffee .  .  .  .  Coffee CANDY!!

Peals of laughter ensued in which son and I looked at each other as if to say "What's funny about that?"  and then just started laughing because their laughter was too contagious to resist.

And since we were laughing, they decided that it was good enough to say AGAIN!  So they DID!! 

* our first week 'back' *

In the interest of keeping all things real and not perpetuating a false picture of what life is really like, may I present what our first week back at school after the Christmas break has looked like:

Monday:  We get a little bit of school done, math, reading, practice piano, before it is time to go to piano lessons for 1 1/2 hours (all three younger children have lessons.)  By the time we get home, after stopping and checking on the oldest Angel who has a sore throat and not eating or drinking much, it is nearly 4:30 p.m. and time to start dinner.  Dear Son 2 and I make Ginger Pork with Pearl rice, with him doing most of the cooking because I steamed my fingers the week before, burning three of them, and so need to stay away from heat as much as possible.

Tuesday:  The Angel is home for the day, getting over his sore throat.  He's eating and drinking a little more but not fully better yet.  Dear Son 2 however is now sick and complaining of a headache, achiness, and a scratchy throat.  So, since half of the student population is down for the day, we call a sick day and cancel school - with everyone getting comfy on the king-size bed and watching a movie on Dad's big television in the bedroom, followed by an afternoon spent in the living room with a nice warm fire and a sometimes not so friendly Mario Kart competition.  Dinner is take-out from Los Charros.

Wednesday:  The Angel is finally back in school but Dear Son 2 is worse.  I NEED to get some errands done, so everyone heads to the car.  Make a deposit, Longs Drugs and the 99 Cent store, Old Navy, PetSmart and WinCo.  (Old Navy probably doesn't sound like a NEED to go place, but Angel really needed a coat, and it's right next to PetSmart where I was heading anyway -- and how could I resist with all of the windows plastered with 50% OFF signs??  How?  Anyway, I found a Great Coat for him on sale for only $9.49 -- yes, for under $10 dollars I got a great, warm denim & corduroy coat.  It was such a good deal, that I actually spent $20 more dollars and got one for the other boys, too!)  DS2 spends the rest of the day on the couch, while the younger two are given the task of cleaning our bird feeders so we can fill them with the thistle seed we got at PetSmart to feed all of our little Goldfinch friends.  (see the blog header)  Dinner is Sweet & Tangy Short Ribs, which is all done in the oven so I was able to do it myself, with veggies and garlic bread.

Thursday:  Dear Son 2 is better, but Dear Son 3 spent most of the night moaning, NOT a good sign.  Yes, he wakes up and feels terrible.  Spends all day in bed, asleep most of the time with occasional periods of waking to have a bite or two of food, a small drink of water, or watch a few minutes of Galaxy Quest or The Life of Mammals before he closes his eyes and drifts off again.  Dear Daughter is not as bad, but still spends a good bit of time on the couch taking a morning, noon and afternoon nap.  I hung out a few of our feeders to see how long it would take the birds to find them - then crochet in front of the window and watch them.  DS2 fills up the rest of the feeders to set outside tomorrow, and together we make macaroni and cheese for dinner (the REAL kind!).  A simple dinner since Dad is working late.

Friday:  Dear Son 3 is still asleep, but he didn't moan as much last night, which I consider a good sign.  In the middle of the night, I developed the headache they were all complaining of.  Dear Son 2 woke up before 10:00 a.m. - WOW!  Well, okay, he said the dogs actually woke him up, but that works, too!  DD is reading all of this over my shoulder as I write (and has been spell-checking me, too!)   Yes, it looks like today is going to be another productive day!

* time is almost up *

Last week, the younger children did the usual beginning of the year recitation of how old everyone will be on their birthday in 2008.   They do it every year and we smile and say, "Wow!  He's going to be that old??", or, "No Way!  You aren't that old yet!"

So, everything was going along as normal until they came to Dear Son 2.   Even though his birthday was just last month, and I'm perfectly adapted to him being 14, simply hearing that in 11 months he will be 15 made me stop.  It was like an instantaneous flash when your life plays before your eyes that no one else sees or are even aware of.  Hearing the number 15 was like a huge hammer striking a bell that I felt resonating inside me -- repeating over and over "Time is almost up * Time is almost up * Time is almost up."   Everything flashed forward a few years, realizing that as quickly as he went from an inquisitive toddler to an engaging and personable young man he would even more quickly be an adult and responsible not only for himself but possibly a wife and children, too.  None of which is bad.  What pained me were the things that no one else sees.  Just as I am sure my Heavenly Father grieves over my failings and the lessons that I still have not learned, I was deeply grieved at the many areas I have failed to properly train him and the personal traits he has developed that will be a hindrance to him.  Will his bad attitude when I ask him to do something carry over to an employer?  Will his unwillingness to stop what he wants to do and do what he needs to do carry over to his job or at home with his wife and family?  Will his harsh tone and impatience with his brother and sister carry over to wife and children?   I wept as I am weeping now.   You see, even though he is not the oldest, because My Angel is special, this Dear Son is truly our firstborn in the normal sense and he has endured all the trials and experiments that firstborns go through and will be the first one to make it or not in the world outside of our door.

There is no special fix or instant cure.  All I can do is pray that the LORD will make me daily aware of the guidance he needs; pray that the LORD will give me the gentle, encouraging words that build and the attitude that speaks of love and care; pray that the LORD will work within his heart, opening his own eyes to his sinful nature and giving him the desire to fully trust and obey his Creator and LORD; and most painfully, praying that the LORD would cleanse me of my own failings, that I would strive to run the race keeping my focus on the ultimate goal - Christ  Jesus - and thereby give him a living example of a life lived in joy and obedience, realizing that none of us will be perfect until we see Christ face to face.  May I smile and be quiet when I feel harsh words or a harsh tone coming.  May I serve with joy, all evidence of grumbling and complaining gone.  May I regularly deny myself and serve others in love because my LORD denied himself and came to this earth not as God but as a man to serve, not be served.